Smoky Mountains – Another Redneck Money Pit

Dave Ramsey has it all wrong.  It is not the credit card companies that are driving the American consumer further into debt, it’s the marketers who exploit rednecks into buying overpriced junk.  NASCAR, Daytona Beach, WWE, and the Smoky Mountains.  Drive down any of the main drags in Gatlinburg, Pigeon Forge, or Sevierville – the main tourist areas of the Smoky Mountains – and you are accosted with one overpriced tourist gimmick after another – t-shirt shops, As Seen on TV shops, outlets of all products, every chain restaurant in existence, miniature golf and go-kart tracks each trying to outdo the next, and taffy shops.  Why is it that you only ever see taffy shops in tourist areas?

Is there something about travelling that makes us crave taffy?  Let’s add to the list of overprized, ridiculous attractions – a Jurassic Park boat ride, some kind of Titanic ship, an Upside House (not sure what it was for, too puzzled by its oddity), more magic shops than Diagon Alley, shows, shows, and more shows.  I bet if the average family counted up all the money wasted, er, spent in the great Smoky Mountains it would account to more than a trip to Disney.

But I guess this is the great Americana family vacation.  Is it though?  Is this what should make the Smokey Mountainsgreat?  What happened to the history of the area?  The stunning nature?  Is it all lost to that great sucking sound on US-441?  Google Maps still names it as a scenic parkway, but I could hardly tell past the billboards and bright lights.  If this is what a vacation with kids is like, then no thanks.  This is more painful than changing a loaded diaper.

I was happy to explore the natural of beauty of the area on the hike I

griped about in a previous blog, the rafting experience also griped about, and the cavern trip.  It was away from the traffic and mayhem of 441.  I can’t say that I came away unscathed by the assault of tourist traps.  Alas, she bit her teeth into my wallet for a family outing to the Hatfield and McCoy Dinner Show.  For $50 a person, we were served a Southern style dinner with soft drinks and entertained with a show of song and dance about the famous feuding families.  The talent for the most part was quite good, in particularly the dancers.  But the constant hints to lure patrons into the gift shop were overwhelming.  It was as if the plot of the show was to sell more junk.  Even the tasteless creamy soup we had with dinner was pushed in powder packages.  Hint, just warm up milk and throw in a chicken bouillon cube and some garlic powder.   I’m not saying it will taste good; I’m just telling you how to replicate.

The whole experience was quite sad really.  Thankfully, little time was spent in the tourist trap and most was spent with family at the mountain house or visiting the other sites that the Smoky Mountains has to offer if your GPS gets you out of town.