How to Survive the Zip Line Arenal Costa Rica

I zip-lined once before, and it was a terrible experience.

I was in college and the School of Recreation (apparently one can actually major in recreation) was hosting a day to show off their new team building ropes course.  I shimmied to the top of the climbing wall eager to soar down on the zip line that ran the length of a football field.  I harnessed up and away I went.

No big deal.  It wasn’t that high, that fast, or that long.

Then I reached the end and hung there while the jackass rec major manning the dismount finished eating a Whopper (Apparently they don’t teach customer service in the School of Recreation).

While I dangled, the harness around my waist became tighter and tighter.  I would have yelled to the Burger King, but my balls were being squeezed like grapes in a wine press and an inaudible, low falsetto sang from my mouth.

Finally, after five minutes of what seemed like an eternity, he let me down.  I waddled away picking at the wedgie that left my underwear so far up my ass that I still on occasion shit out fragments of cotton.

To steal from Taylor Swift, never ever ever ever was I going zip-lining again.  Like never.

So there I was, ten years later standing at the base of the Zip Line Arenal Costa Rica  

I mounted up with the diaper that was the harness and pulled tight at each strap.  Nothing was riding far enough up the crotch that would squeeze chardonnay out of my nuts or run a rope burn of a wedgie up my you know what.

This was going to be better.  (Please remember at this point that my only other zip-line experience was the length of a football field.)

We rode to the top of the Sky Trek on a relaxing cable car ride. 

Our guide pointed out area sights, spider monkeys, and species of birds.

Nice.  Calm.  Relaxing even.

At the top, we were given a glass of fresh squeezed fruit juice.  A shot of rum would have better prepared me for the hell that was to come.

The guide went over the rules.  It was easy, he said.  Once you are strapped in, just grab the handles and lean back to enjoy the view.  To pick up speed, pull your knees towards your chest.  To slow down, lift your legs up in a V.  If you were coming into the landing platform too fast, the guide would shake the rope as a signal to slow down.  The course itself was designed to stop you so no stop technique was necessary.

The first few cables – the training ones – were easy. 

We started with a 92 foot long cable and dirt actually visible beneath me.

I got this.

The second cable was a wee bit longer at 105 feet and slightly more elevated as we headed to a real launching platform.  Still, my confidence was up.

I watched the family in front of me zip off on the first real cable and thought for a moment this could actually be fun.  I smiled and waved as Mrs. G harnessed up and zipped away.  My turn.  The guide showed me how to secure my camera to snap off a few pictures as I prepared for the highest cable of the day at 656 feet above the rainforest canopy.

What the heck was I thinking!!!  This wasn’t fun!!!

A few thoughts went through my head as I soared along at 44 mph on the 1,550 feet long cable.

First, this isn’t natural.  Humans weren’t meant to fly.

Second, what happens if I can’t keep my grip because my palms were too sweaty?

Third, how was I supposed to take a flipping photo with death grips on the handles?

Fourth, what if my clasp snapped?  My hands were way too balmy to maintain a grip.  I would most likely fall to the ground.  Did Costa Rica have a decent medical system or would I be shooting rum and biting a rope while they cut off my mangled legs?

Fifth, rate of survival if I fell was zero percent so no need to worry about the medical system. How would they get my body out?  By the time a trek crew reached me, a sloth would have slowly devoured my body over the course of a year.  My family wouldn’t get to say goodbye to my remains.

Sixth, how the hell did I get talked into this?

A shake of the tension cable captured my attention.  Time to slow down.  Legs up in a v.

Mother f-er if my body didn’t veer to the right leaving the metal cable to brush against my inner left leg leaving a nasty burn. 

I stood weak kneed and slightly light headed while the guide explained how I shifted my weight causing my body to turn.

“No problem”, he said though.  “Better next time.”

I rejoined Mrs. G and tried to maintain a calm composure.  Everybody seemed to be enjoying this but me.  Even the 12 year old girl was without fear.  In fact, she wanted to try it by herself (due to her weight, she zipped with the guide).  I wanted to knock her off the platform.

The second able was slightly shorter and not quite as high as the first. 

Damn it if I didn’t burn my leg trying to slow down again.

No more slowing down. 

My new goal was to make it to the other side as fast as I could on each cable…no matter how bad the guide yelled at me to slow down.  I’d be damned if I was burning my leg again.

Knees tucked, I barreled my way through each cable which seemed to get easier as we advanced down the mountain.

That is until Cable 6, the longest at over 2,000 feet.

I couldn’t even see the landing platform.  Maybe that’s because it was through a thicket of tree branches with a cutout to allow the zip line to pass.  Everyone in our group remarked how cool that was – soaring through the trees.  I still have nightmares of decapitation.

Back on Earth at the zip line station, I made a bee line to the restaurant diving into a tall beer and a fresh lunch of an avocado shrimp salad.  I allowed the cold suds to wash away my nerves and vowed once again that never ever ever ever would I zip line again.  Like never.

Want to go on a similar trip?

We booked our zip-line with Sky Adventures – it is the best zip line experience in the area by far.

For accommodations, I highly recommend Tabacon Grand Spa Thermal Resort . It’s where we stayed and we loved it! The cost might be slightly higher than other resorts in the area, but your unlimited access to the hot springs is included.

To help further explore the area, we used Lonely Planet’s Costa Rica Travel Guide.

As always, I recommend purchasing travel insurance, especially if you plan to partake in adventurous activities like zip-lining. You never know what might happen…